Artemis Fowl: The Above Ground Mystery
by Bubbly Hooplah
Summary: Not the best title... this was written for fun, and my friends liked it. When Arty and the Butlers find an LEP officer almost dead in the snow, what disasters can befall? R&R. First fic. Flames welcome!
1. Default Chapter

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DISCLAIMER: I own diddlysquat in this fic. I own zip, zilch, nadda, zero, and nought! And, get this; I'm proud of it! Bwahahahahahahah!  
  
Gertrude: don't worry; she's seeing someone for that.  
  
*swatting Gertrude away with fat teddy bear* This fic was written on a whim and is funny, so I decided to put it up... as far as I know, it has no plot line at all, but it starts off well. All my friends liked it and begged me to put it up, so I kinda did...  
  
Not many o' my mates have heard my full fic, only funny lil' snatches, but they all reckon it's pretty cool... I hope you do too, so please enjoy!!  
  
It was written with the help of duck, otherwise known as Loopy Sk8 chic, so I'd like to thank her heaps for listening to me and putting up with me. I REALLY appreciate it...  
  
This is set a little after the second book.  
  
Here we go...  
  
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Artemis was terribly bored. He sat in the family jet, just leaving Ireland. Then, something in the white snow caught his eye. It was bright red, and looked eerily like blood.  
  
"Juliet?"  
  
"Yes, Artemis?"  
  
"Stop the plane."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Stop the plane, Juliet."  
  
"Where, Artemis?"  
  
"Down there," Artemis pointed to the snow-capped mountains.  
  
"Fine," she gasped. "What's that red?"  
  
"We're about to find out. Stop the plane, Juliet."  
  
"Yes, Artemis."  
  
Once the jet was on the ground, Artemis stepped out and hurriedly made his way to the blood-covered snow.  
  
In the middle of the snow was a child-size figure in a green uniform, bleeding profusely. The figure was wearing an LEP helmet.  
  
"Juliet?" Artemis called. "Over here."  
  
* * *  
  
"Hello?" Root grunted. "No, Janie doesn't live here! This is a police station!" Root slammed the phone down and continued scribbling on paperwork, transfers and things of the like,  
  
before the phone rang again.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello, Commander," came a voice, speaking in mud men language.  
  
"Who is this?" snapped Root, taking a puff of his cigar, and following the anonymous callers' lead, speaking with the gift of tongues.  
  
"You don't even recognise the sound of my voice? Tut, tut Commander."  
  
"If you don't tell me who the hell you are-"  
  
"Temper. Well, Commander. I suppose if you can't guess... it's me. Artemis Fowl the second."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?" Root exploded. "How the HELL did you get this number!"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?"  
  
"Quit playing the damn mind games, Fowl and let me get on with my job!"  
  
"Commander, there is a reason for my calling, you know."  
  
"I'm sure, but I'm in no mood to hear it."  
  
"Oh," Artemis sounded amused. "I think you need to hear it."  
  
Something in his voice kept Root from hanging up. "Go on. Make it quick."  
  
"Ok. I have one of your officers."  
  
"IF YOU THINK THIS WILL WORK AGAIN, FOWL, YOU'RE WRONG! LET THEM GO, AND WE WON'T HAVE TO HURT YOU! NOW I SWEAR I'LL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO HAVE  
  
YOU HUNG, DRAWN AND QUARTERED AND ANYONE WHO TRIES TO STOP ME WILL BE CHOPPED MERCILESSLY INTO CHUTNEY!"  
  
Artemis patiently held the phone away from his ear as Root rambled on and on, screaming every word.  
  
When Root paused to take a breath, Artemis put the phone back to his ear.  
  
"If you've quite finished?" Artemis said icily. "Then perhaps I can explain."  
  
Root was still getting his breath back, so Artemis decided to start.  
  
"Well," he began pleasantly. "We found him."  
  
"FOUND HIM? What do you mean FOUND him!?!?!?"  
  
"I mean, that we happened to see him, so we took him in. Of course, he was half-dead at the time."  
  
"Who is he?" Root heaved.  
  
"One moment," Artemis took the phone away from his ear. "Juliet?"  
  
"Not sure," Juliet answered. "The badge is too scratched and dented."  
  
"Thankyou," Artemis took the phone again. "The badge is too damaged."  
  
"Fine," he took a breath to calm himself down. "What does he look like?"  
  
"I don't know. Brown cropped hair. Longish nose. Pointy ears."  
  
"Oh, and that's helpful," Root muttered sarcastically. "Let me talk to him."  
  
"I'm afraid that's not possible."  
  
"If you're not holding him for ransom, then what do you have to hide?"  
  
"Why do you automatically presume I have something to hide? Unfortunately, he's still unconscious."  
  
"How's he doing?"  
  
"He'll live. If we had have left him, however, he would be dead by now."  
  
"Whatever. Give me a minute," Root put the phone down. "FOALY!" he bellowed.  
  
"What is it now, Commander?" the centaur stuck his head in the door.  
  
"Get Short to come here now."  
  
"She did a double shift an hour ago. She'll be asleep."  
  
"Then wake her up!" Root yelled.  
  
"But sir!" Foaly protested.  
  
"Now, Foaly!"  
  
"But she'll kill me!"  
  
"Then it's been nice knowing you. Get her now."  
  
Foaly pouted and left the room.  
  
A few minutes later, Holly came into the LEP, looking extremely tired, and dangerous. On her way to the Commander's office, she amused herself by glaring evilly at passers by, to  
  
watch them hurry off, terrified.  
  
"What do you want, sir?" Holly asked sleepily, sliding into the chair across from his desk.  
  
"Phone," Root held it out to her, and she took it, bewildered.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello, Holly."  
  
Holly dropped the phone on the floor in shock. "That's Artemis Fowl," she said bluntly.  
  
"Well done, Holly," Root said pleasantly. "But I think he wants to talk to you."  
  
Holly stared blankly at him.  
  
"Today," Root said pointedly. Holly picked up the phone.  
  
"What do you want, Fowl?" she growled aggressively.  
  
"Now really, Holly. Is that necessary? We are friends after all."  
  
"I don't know what planet you're living on, Fowl, but here, we're anything but friends."  
  
"Fine, fine. I have one of your officers."  
  
"Fowl, I swear, if you don't give him back, I'll-"  
  
"Holly," Root said warningly.  
  
"I'll do something not entirely pleasant to you," Holly said through gritted teeth.  
  
"I promise you, we're only helping him."  
  
"I'm sure," Holly said sarcastically. "Give him back."  
  
"Holly, we found him almost dead in the snow, so we took him back to the Fowl Manor. He's unconscious."  
  
"Name?"  
  
"I'm not sure, the badge is damaged."  
  
Holly swore.  
  
"Language, Holly!" Root said in mock surprise.  
  
Holly glared. "He doesn't speak Gnomish!" on the other side of the phone, Artemis could hear some arguing in a different language. He drummed his fingers patiently, as they were  
  
showing no signs of stopping.  
  
Meanwhile, the officer in question was beginning to wake up. He opened his dark, sharp eyes, and saw Juliet leaning over him.  
  
"Daa!" he jumped back in surprise, then saw Butler. "Anyone but you," he muttered, before fainting.  
  
"Happy now?" Juliet demanded her older brother. "You've scared him half to death!"  
  
Butler shrugged carelessly. "I didn't do anything."  
  
Juliet whispered something into Artemis' ear.  
  
"Holly?" he said loudly. "Holly!"  
  
"What?" Holly snapped up the phone again, abandoning her pointless argument with her boss.  
  
"He's part of the team that stormed- or rather, attempted to storm- the Fowl manor."  
  
"How do you know? Did he wake up and tell you?"  
  
"Not exactly. He woke up for a moment, but saw Butler and passed out."  
  
"Poor guy. Can you really blame him?" Holly chewed her lip. "Can you read his rank?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. I don't know what happened to him, but he looks pretty smashed up. And he doesn't have any magic either."  
  
"If you give me a couple of hours to get there, I can check him out."  
  
"OK. Shouldn't you check with the Commander first?"  
  
"Probably. Doesn't mean I will, though. I'll probably be at the Fowl Manor in three and a half hours. If he's really bad, I can be there in two and a half."  
  
"No, he's okay."  
  
"Thanks, Fowl."  
  
Holly hung up. "I'll see you, Commander," she stood up and began to leave.  
  
"Do you need someone to come with you?"  
  
"No thanks. I'm fine by myself."  
  
Root shrugged. "Suit yourself. But keep contact at all times. I don't trust Fowl as far as I could throw Butler."  
  
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Ok. First chapter down... like it?  
  
Please review!!! *massive puppy dog eyes* I know this didn't really have any substance to it, but, as I said, I only put it up coz it's humorous... (*awed* whoo... BIG words!! Just sound 'em out, Bubbly...)  
  
Thanks for your time!  
  
Bubbly ^_^  
  
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	2. Chapter 2: No name needed

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DISCLAIMER: Do I own anything?  
  
Lawyer: *flicking through 'Where's Wally'* well... according to this highly technical law book... *gesturing to book* no. no you don't.  
  
*sigh* what do I pay you for?  
  
Thankyou to all my wonderful reviewers!! I LOVE YOU!! *reviewers back away* heheh...  
  
Oh... and a few things: Artemis can read and even write gnomish, but cannot speak it. I don't know who the hell landed the jet on the mountain, but they did anyway... (*frown* I never thought of that...) Holly wouldn't have trusted Artemis that much, but remembering she only was on about one hour of sleep... (so was I when I wrote it... ^_^) If you will refer to my first chapter, it has "This is set a little after the second book..."  
  
On a personal note: Caspian, I am not ENTIRELY mad at you... I'll only give you rabies at the next possible opportunity.  
  
Some parts of this chapter are a little boring, but all round I guess its funny...  
  
Bubbly  
  
(REVIEW!! [nice 'discreet' subliminal messages...])  
  
My parents have officially banned me from writing for ff.net!! I registered in secret, but... they've banned me from writing, so now on, it is only in secret at school, which completely SUX!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!  
  
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The elf began to open his eyes.  
  
"Do you speak English?" Juliet said slowly.  
  
"Of course I do, you scatterbrained stinkworm!" he moaned, struggling to sit up.  
  
Juliet pouted. "No need to be rude."  
  
Butler opened the door, and the elf moaned desperately.  
  
"I don't suppose there's any chance this is some off dream?" he asked.  
  
"Sorry, little man," Butler said. "This is as real as global warming."  
  
"I take it I'm in the Fowl Manor and being held hostage?" he asked.  
  
"Fowl Manor, yes. Hostage, no," Juliet said brightly.  
  
The elf sighed and closed his eyes.  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"Look, bucko," Juliet snarled, digging a finger into his breastbone. "We are here to help you, and a little courtesy wouldn't go amiss."  
  
"Juliet, don't hurt him," Butler said, pulling her arm away. "Well," he glanced at the blood covered uniform. "Don't hurt him any more than he's been hurt."  
  
"If you'll do me the favor of leaving me alone to curl up and die, please do so," the elf said.  
  
"Tempting... but no thanks. We'll stick around," Juliet said.  
  
"That's what I was afraid of..." he closed his eyes and lay back.  
  
"What's the date today?" he asked, eyes still closed.  
  
"Why do you ask?" Juliet said confusedly.  
  
"Just answer the question," he said wearily, opening his dark eyes.  
  
"The 27th."  
  
He frowned.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
He swore under his breath. "When did you find me?"  
  
"An hour ago."  
  
He swore again.  
  
"Problem?"  
  
"I set out on the 23rd."  
  
"Oh. That is a problem. And the LEP didn't notice you were missing?"  
  
"I had some leave due," he said tiredly. "So I've been lying somewhere half dead for the past few days."  
  
At that moment, Artemis stepped into the room.  
  
"Ah. You're awake," he said.  
  
The elf muttered something indistinct and most definitely rude.  
  
"Nice," Juliet muttered sarcastically.  
  
"So I presume you know what's going on?" Artemis asked.  
  
The elf shook his head. "I have no clue. These two explained it, but I'm still bloody confused. So, I'm not a hostage here?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Really?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Really."  
  
"No mind games?"  
  
"No mind games," Artemis said solemnly. "What's your name?"  
  
The elf merely closed his eyes and didn't reply.  
  
"Fine," Juliet said rudely. "Be that way."  
  
* * *  
  
"You WHAT?!?!?" Foaly half-shouted at his boss.  
  
"You heard me. What's the big idea?"  
  
"It'll be a trap for Holly! They probably won't have an officer after all, but they're getting her to go to the manor willingly!"  
  
"But he's not lying."  
  
"And you know this... how? What was the officer's name?"  
  
"He didn't say. He said the badge was too damaged," Root said loudly.  
  
"It'd help if there was a badge to be damaged," Foaly muttered. "We need to get in contact with her!"  
  
* * *  
  
Holly finally managed to get her above ground Visa. She snatched it from the irritated elf's hand, and stalked into the pod, and said her name, rank and her details, which  
  
started it.  
  
she felt a slight heat draft, so she rode with it. Going, going, going... GONE!  
  
Holly bit down hard on the rubber in her mouth, and allowed herself to relax. If the rubber wasn't blocking it, she would have smiled.  
  
She felt the pressure and let rip, feeling the speed in her body. The pod jolted to a halt, and Holly landed the pod gracefully, jerking the joystick at the last moment, to give the  
  
pod a little slide while landing.  
  
She sighed joyfully and spat out the rubber, unbuckling the safety harness and leaving the egg-shaped craft.  
  
In her pocket, her phone vibrated and beeped, so Holly pulled it out.  
  
She took a few steps and the connection went out. Swearing, she stepped back to where she was before, but the damage had been done.  
  
She made her way to the front of the terminal, snatching an LEP helmet, an LEP suit, some LEP wings and an LEP first aid kit.  
  
When the little clerk pixie panicked, Holly showed him her badge.  
  
"May I see your Visa, Captain?" he asked quietly.  
  
Holly fished in her pocket for a moment, and then dropped the paperwork on the desk. He read through it.  
  
"This seems to be in order..."  
  
Holly grabbed it back, stuffed it into her pocket, and began walking, pulling the helmet  
  
onto her head as she did. She put the suit in the first aid backpack, and put the first aid backpack on her back, strapped on the wings, and shielded, zooming off into the distance.  
  
* * *  
  
"One of your little friends is on their way!" Juliet announced to the elf.  
  
The elf tilted his head to one side, attempting to figure out what she meant.  
  
"Clean him up, won't you Juliet?" Artemis said, about to step out of the room.  
  
"Yes, Artemis."  
  
"No!" the elf flushed crimson. "She can't."  
  
"Why not?" Artemis asked, eyebrows raised.  
  
"Because..." he was still bright red. "Because she's a girl!"  
  
"You're quick," Juliet said sarcastically.  
  
"Just sort something out," Artemis said with distaste, leaving the room. The elf and Juliet glared at each other.  
  
"Must you?" Butler said warily. They both turned to him and nodded innocently.  
  
* * *  
  
Holly glared about her suspiciously. The Fowl's weren't known for their subtlety. Either were the Butlers, come to it.  
  
She knocked cautiously on the door, swearing, frustrated when they didn't reply. Suddenly, she kicked the door, still furious at her boss for getting her up.  
  
"Temper," Artemis opened the door, eyebrows raised. "Through here."  
  
Holly stepped in and pulled off her helmet, shaking out her now shoulder- length hair. Her helmet suddenly crackled.  
  
"One minute," she said, and put it on. "Foaly?"  
  
"Holly! Get out of there, now! Turn right around and come back to Haven! It'll be a trap!"  
  
Holly raised her eyebrows and took the helmet off for a moment.  
  
"Is this a trap?" she asked Artemis.  
  
"No."  
  
"Good," she put the helmet back on. "It's not a trap."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I'll see you guys later," Holly switched off the communication, and the Commander and Foaly's frantic screams were cut short, as she casually pulled off the helmet and set it on a  
  
side table.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Through here. Like your hair, by the way."  
  
"Is he awake now?" Holly asked, ignoring his comment about her hair. Stupid police plaza. Stupid immature officers and their stupid dares...  
  
Artemis nodded.  
  
"Do you know his name?" Holly asked.  
  
"He won't tell us," Artemis said.  
  
Holly nodded.  
  
"He's almost had Juliet in tears at least five times."  
  
Holly raised her eyebrows.  
  
Artemis opened the door, and Holly went in.  
  
"What the HELL have you done to yourself?" Holly asked, sinking to her knees beside the sofa on which her colleague was lying.  
  
"Nice to see you too."  
  
"I'm bloody serious!" Holly said. He struggled to sit up.  
  
"Down. By the look of things, you've broken a few ribs."  
  
He nodded. "Guilty as charged."  
  
"What the hell happened?" Holly asked him.  
  
He moaned. "I don't remember..."  
  
Holly swore, and the elf wriggled uncomfortably.  
  
Holly couldn't help but notice the way he was holding his hand behind his back.  
  
"C'mon, Kelp," she said warningly.  
  
"Kelp?" Butler asked. "I know that..."  
  
"I should say so. My little brother was the one you talked to," the elf said.  
  
"He's Trouble Kelp," Holly said to them, nodding emphatically.  
  
"Holly!" the elf shouted angrily.  
  
"If they know my name, then they can know yours," Holly said firmly. "Now give me your hand."  
  
He held it out reluctantly, and the ring finger was dislocated. Holly held his hand firmly by the wrist, and took the injured digit in her free hand. Trouble bit his lip, readying himself  
  
for the pain.  
  
"On the count of ten?"  
  
"On the count of ten."  
  
"One... two... ten!" Holly jerked his finger back into place.  
  
The Butler's and Artemis winced as they heard the crack.  
  
"You need to learn to count," Trouble said knowingly.  
  
"How can you do that?" Artemis asked disgustedly.  
  
"I can do it to myself if I have the injury. You learn with this job, eh Kelp?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Why didn't you just use magic?" Juliet asked confusedly.  
  
"I'm going to have to use as least magic on him as I can. His body will already want to reject it coz it's not his."  
  
"Handy," Juliet said sarcastically.  
  
"Isn't it just?" Holly grinned and turned to Kelp. "Go to sleep. That way the magic'll flow easier and it won't hurt as much."  
  
"You expect me to go to sleep?"  
  
"Um... yes?" Holly tried her luck.  
  
The elves were arguing in a different language, which Artemis presumed was Gnomish.  
  
Trouble turned to Juliet accusingly. "I thought you said I had a friend coming."  
  
"I did."  
  
Holly hit him over the head. "Go to sleep."  
  
He raised his eyebrows. "Not likely."  
  
Holly scowled. "Don't make me knock you out."  
  
"Y-you wouldn't dare!" he blurted fearfully.  
  
"Wouldn't I?" Holly asked, eyes gleaming.  
  
"I'd get you back," he said.  
  
"I'd get you back harder," Holly said calmly.  
  
"I'd get you back even harder than that," he said, looking terrified at the look in her eyes.  
  
"I'd get you back hardest," Holly grinned mirthlessly. "Remember last year, with Corporal Fern?"  
  
"How could I forget?" moaned Trouble. "He got a TRANSFER because of you!"  
  
"Not just cuzza me! I couldn't take all the credit!" Holly said, pretending to blush. "You gonna try to sleep?"  
  
"Yes, Holly," he said obediently, closing his eyes. "I can't."  
  
"Bloody insomniac!" Holly cried angrily. "Try again!"  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
"Are you asleep yet?" she asked after a moment.  
  
"You tell me."  
  
"This seems to be a little heated..." Butler muttered.  
  
"Just a little," Juliet agreed.  
  
"Alright!" Holly decided. "Sit up."  
  
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"You ask too many bloody questions," Holly snapped. "Just sit up."  
  
He did, struggling.  
  
"Ok. Close your eyes."  
  
"We've been THROUGH this! I CAN'T go to sleep!"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
"Yes mother."  
  
Holly hit him again.  
  
"I'm not likely to go to sleep if somebody- not naming any names, HOLLY- keeps hitting me over the head!"  
  
"No brain, no pain," Holly muttered, clambering up onto the sofa untidily.  
  
"Ok..." Holly felt around his shoulders for a moment, then pushed in a few places experimentally.  
  
"Ow!" he cried, flinching.  
  
"Calm down..." Holly said roughly, hitting him over the head.  
  
"Quit it!"  
  
Holly smiled and pushed on his shoulders, and he fell to the sofa, snoring softly.  
  
"Haha!" she smiled and did a little victory dance before falling off the sofa and landing face-first. She awkwardly clambered to her feet. "I did that on purpose," she mumbled,  
  
flushing.  
  
"Wait," Artemis frowned. "You said that you couldn't use much magic on him because his body would reject it?"  
  
"Uh... yeah," Holly said cautiously, still not completely trusting him.  
  
"Then what good are medics?"  
  
"Oh. They have this drug... thing, which paralyses the magic inside the brain- that's what can let us complete the ritual and work- so they can use magic without any protests. Of  
  
course, you need a license to use the drug, which we normal people aren't allowed to get."  
  
Artemis nodded. "Clever."  
  
Holly glared.  
  
"I wasn't being sarcastic," Artemis said coolly, watching the steam coming from Holly's ears.  
  
"Ok. You lot need to scram. I can't heal with an audience," Holly said.  
  
"Fair enough," Artemis nodded. "Though I resent 'you lot', and 'scram'."  
  
"And you wonder why I used them," Holly muttered.  
  
The Butler's and Artemis left the room. Flexing her long fingers, Holly laid her hands on the sleeping elf's chest. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she pushed the magic  
  
into him.  
  
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There... I didn't know when to stop. PLEASE review!!!!  
  
Come on... you know you want to...  
  
I guess definitely Artemis and maybe Butler, and Holly were probably all out of character, but this isn't really a fic I'm writing seriously. Unless you lot like it a lot, I probably won't bother anymore... t'was only some fun for ye old reviewers...  
  
Thanks so much to the people who reviewed!! I'll name you personally at the end of the next chapter! (YAY! ^_^) But now, I have to go to bed... (g'night...)  
  
Bubbly  
  
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	3. Chapter 3: Oww!

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DISCLAIMER: I own... uh... frown who DO I own!?!?  
  
Lawyer: shrug dunno.  
  
Review or I kill you.  
  
Lawyer: You REALLY shouldn't put that in writing. If one of your readers ends up dead, you are the prime suspect!  
  
Bubbly   
  
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Fifteen minutes later, Holly stumbled out of the room and straight into Butler.  
  
"Steady on," he said, holding her upright. "He's ok?"  
  
Holly mumbled something indistinct.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"He's fine," Holly repeated loudly.  
  
"Good. He's waking up?"  
  
"Slowly, but yeah."  
  
"Glad to hear it."  
  
"Uh... do you have somewhere I can wash off?" she asked, holding up her blood- covered hands.  
  
"This way," Butler led her to a bathroom. Led in every meaning of the word, considering the elf could hardly walk.  
  
Holly watched the bloodied water splash down the drain absentmindedly, before going with Butler in the direction of the living room.  
  
"He'll need to complete the ritual, then get checked out by a medic just in case," Holly said.  
  
"You should get checked out by a medic yourself," Butler said.  
  
"Me?" Holly was visibly taken aback. "I'll never understand you mud people."  
  
"And I'll never understand you fairies," Butler said brightly. "But you don't look so good. Something troubling you?"  
  
Holly giggled at the unintentional pun. "No."  
  
Butler frowned then opened his eyes triumphantly.  
  
"The ritual."  
  
"Nope," Holly lied quickly. "Nope," she repeated.  
  
Butler smiled slightly.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Captain Short. You're forgetting I had a little sister to live with."  
  
Holly frowned. "I'll ignore you."  
  
"Weirdo," Butler muttered, shaking his head as they entered the living room.  
  
Trouble still laid there, his face still and calm.  
  
"He'll be out for a while, yet," Holly said.  
  
"Good. It'll give Juliet a chance to recover," Butler said grinning.  
  
Holly laughed.  
  
Half an hour later, everyone was sitting in the living room. Holly was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Juliet, playing their seventh game of chess. Artemis was reading an extremely  
  
thick book, and Butler was sitting reading a magazine. Trouble was still asleep in the next room.  
  
"Checkmate," Holly said tiredly, moving her bishop.  
  
"You win," Juliet said, pouting. "Again."  
  
Holly shrugged, uninterested. "Logic."  
  
Juliet growled something under her breath and began to reset the board.  
  
"Ok. I'm black again."  
  
"Again? I'm sick of being white. I want to be black!"  
  
"Oh quit moaning, mud girl. Just play the damn game."  
  
Juliet scowled. "Mud girl?"  
  
Halfway through the game, Artemis leaned down and whispered something into Juliet's ear, his eyes scanning the board. Juliet grinned wickedly and moved her castle. Holly,  
  
glaring, moved her knight. Artemis licked his lips and looked on the board thoughtfully. Whispering again to Juliet, he looked extremely smug. Juliet moved her bishop. Holly  
  
growled, moving her  
  
pawn. Artemis, pausing only to glare at Holly, scanned the game possibilities. He whispered again to Juliet and Holly glared yet again. Juliet flinched. Artemis was using all  
  
his willpower not to look away. Juliet hurriedly moved her knight, after a reminding nudge from Artemis. Holly thought for a while.  
  
"Take your time..." Juliet muttered sarcastically.  
  
Eventually, Holly moved her bishop.  
  
Artemis smiled. "Nice tactics, Short."  
  
"Back atcha, mud boy," Holly returned. "Now quit your stalling and get on with the game."  
  
Artemis laughed. "You know me so well."  
  
Artemis grinned triumphantly before whispering again into Juliet's ear. Juliet nodded, smiling, sliding her castle several squares. Holly laughed.  
  
"Come on, Fowl. I would have thought you'd be above that one."  
  
"Artemis is above nothing," Juliet said.  
  
Holly grinned. "Like kidnapping someone for ransom, and later cutting off her finger and using the rest of her magic?"  
  
Artemis rolled his eyes. "You just CAN'T let go, can you, Holly?"  
  
"Cutting off her finger?" Juliet exclaimed.  
  
"OH!" Holly cried in mock surprise. "You mean you didn't tell her? It got reattached, naturally."  
  
Juliet suddenly grabbed both of Holly's hands.  
  
"HEY!!" Holly pulled away in shock.  
  
"Can I see the scar then, Ms Smarty-daks?"  
  
"Short," Holly corrected, grinning. She held out her hand and pointed to her index finger.  
  
"Artemis!" Juliet cried.  
  
Artemis shrugged. "It wasn't directly my fault..."  
  
"If that's what you need to believe," Holly said in mock gentleness. "Now are we playing chess, or are we wagging chins?"  
  
"Your shot," Juliet said.  
  
Holly thought and moved a pawn, taking the opposition's bishop.  
  
"King me!" Juliet yelled.  
  
"Uh... Juliet?" Holly and Artemis said uncertainly. "We're playing chess..."  
  
Juliet grinned sheepishly. "My bad."  
  
Holly cocked her head to one side, furrowed her brow. She got to her feet and began to leave the room.  
  
"Holly..."  
  
"What?" she turned for a moment.  
  
"Is there any point in asking where you're going?"  
  
"Kelp's waking up."  
  
"And you know this... how?"  
  
Holly turned to him confusedly. "Didn't you hear?"  
  
"Hear... what, exactly?" Butler looked up.  
  
"You're all deaf," Holly muttered, shaking her head and leaving the room.  
  
The three, confused, stood and went after Holly. Butler knocked on the door cautiously.  
  
"Yup," they heard Holly call. "Sleeping Beauty's awake, now."  
  
Then there was a thump, a few muffled curses and a "HEY!"  
  
Artemis raised an eyebrow and opened the door. Trouble was half sitting up, and Holly was on her knees on the floor, rubbing her left ear. Artemis decided not to ask.  
  
"Okay. Just when you're ready, Kelp," Holly said, still rubbing her ear resentfully.  
  
He nodded groggily. "Just give me a minute."  
  
Holly shrugged. "Take your time... you piece of vermin."  
  
"I've been meaning to ask you," Trouble said, furrowing his brow. "How'd you make me fall asleep?"  
  
Holly grinned. "Pressure points."  
  
"Uh... Captain Short?" Juliet said curiously. "Why are you rubbing your ear?"  
  
Holly glared at Trouble and jabbed her thumb at him wearily. "Him."  
  
Juliet stared confusedly, and didn't ask any more.  
  
Holly looked at Trouble, the strain and anxiety showing on her face.  
  
"There's something we don't know about," Trouble said, seeing the concern and worry etched into her features.  
  
"Sort of..." Holly said, chewing her lip.  
  
"What do you mean SORT OF? Is there, or isn't there?"  
  
"Well... there was..." Holly looked at the floor. "You had been shot... three times... twice in the back, once in the right shoulder..."  
  
Trouble swore and his head dropped into his hands. After a moment, he looked up. "Weapon?"  
  
"Unidentified. I've never seen wounds like these before. It's new, is my guess."  
  
"Has Foaly had any new weapons recently?"  
  
"Not for a while and we've seen the tests for all of them. Nothing like this has come up." Holly grabbed the backpack and rummaged through it for a bit, eventually pulling out a  
  
black case. Trouble had closed his eyes, and Holly crept closer to him. "Talk to him," she mouthed at Artemis, Butler and Juliet. Holly pulled out a syringe and put the liquid into it.  
  
"So, er... Captain Kelp, is it?" Juliet began. Trouble opened his eyes.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"How do you like the LEP?"  
  
"Huh? Oh... um... its ok, I guess..."  
  
Holly was still getting ready. She mouthed, "Keep going!"  
  
"What area are you in?" she asked.  
  
"LEP Retrieval O- AGHHHHHH!"  
  
Holly had jabbed him in the arm with the injection. She pulled it out and grinned apologetically.  
  
"Hehehe..." she said. "Tetanus... health safety... LEP regulation 95..." she trailed off, Trouble still glaring at her.  
  
"You need one, then?" Trouble asked, rubbing his upper-arm.  
  
"Uh-huh..." Holly muttered, passing the case to Trouble. He discarded the used needle in a small compartment, and pulled out another. He slowly filled it with the liquid, and Holly  
  
eyed it, swallowing. She didn't like needles.  
  
"You've gone green!" Trouble said, laughing. "You look like some sort of sprite..."  
  
"I have not," Holly snapped.  
  
"No," he said, examining her face. "It's more of a blue..."  
  
"Kelp!" Holly cried.  
  
"Hee hee!" he yelled joyfully. "Now you've gone red!"  
  
"What are you on abo-!?!?" that turned into a slight whimper of pain as Trouble pricked her arm with the needle.  
  
"Oww..." she rubbed her arm. "Ok... we're done, here."  
  
Juliet left the room, and entered a moment later, with two glasses of ice water. She passed one to each of the elves, and they accepted them gratefully.  
  
"Thanks, Juliet," Holly said, taking a drink.  
  
"Yeah, mud girl," Trouble said.  
  
After a while, Trouble nodded. Holly stood and helped her colleague to stand. He had an arm around her neck, and they started to walk, looking like some sort of lopsided  
  
creature.  
  
"Lean on me," Holly said.  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I said lean on me!"  
  
"I AM!"  
  
"You most certainly are NOT, unless you are some sort of featherweight! Lean on me!"  
  
"I TOLD you! I am!"  
  
"No you're NOT!"  
  
"I AM!"  
  
Holly half turned, and brought her foot back, before digging it hard into Trouble's ankle. He swore and half fell, groaning with pain.  
  
"That's better," Holly said optimistically, beginning to walk again.  
  
Artemis and the Butlers looked on with morbid fascination, mouths hanging slightly open.  
  
Trouble swore again, now limping and leaning heavily on Holly. "Bloody Holly..." he muttered.  
  
"Let's go get you cleaned up."  
  
He moaned.  
  
"What is it now?" Holly snapped.  
  
"Of ALL the officers they had to send, it had to be like... the ONLY female," he said, going slightly pink.  
  
Holly turned to him. "I'm sure you wouldn't mind so much if it was Lili Frond," she said dryly.  
  
He laughed. "You are sooo waaaaaaaaay off, Holly."  
  
"Oh really?" she asked him, eyebrows raised. "I've seen the way you look at her, and the way you talk to her."  
  
He rolled his eyes. "As if. I prefer brains rather than beauty."  
  
Holly scoffed. "Like she has beauty anyway! She's a blonde with nothing in her head!"  
  
"Most men like that," Trouble said, realizing a millisecond later how dead he was.  
  
He closed his eyes and ducked, covering his head with his hands. Holly kicked him.  
  
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LOAD OF STUFF THAT YOU SHOULDN'T READ, BUT PROBABLY WILL REGARDLESS  
  
TA DAA!! Like this chapter? It was sort of random, but I like it. Um... about the email address? It isn't properly set up or anything, so I haven't got any emails, nor can I reply... SORRY!!! I've never used it before, coz it was only to register... Please review! Ooh... speaking of reviewers, a special thanks to all the people who have reviewed so far.  
  
Nearby stone: YOU ROCK!  
  
Thankyou to: The Toaster: Thanks a heap for the reviews!! hugs YAY!! Phire Phoenix: Aww!! blush Thanks a bundle! Loving you!! Happynutcase: Don't get lost in the looney bin! Thanx for the reviews... you make ME a happynutcase!! Caspian Nyghtvision: Thanks, Cas!! Loving the reviews!! Sorry haven't replied, yet. Computer virus... very painful. CMII: Yo!! Loving the reviews! HUGS AND KISSES!!! Tahn: Love ya!! Mmm... chocolate... QUIT HARASSING ME!!! AHH Grub Kelp: Sorry! I almost forgot you, then... thanks for the reviews!  
  
My friends liked the bits where Holly kicks and attempts to kill Trouble... hee hee! Fun...  
  
The injection part was inspired by our vaccinations at school. One of my best mates passed out, and another friend was hyperventilating... me, though. I can't ever have ANYTHING interesting happen to me. Instead, my arm swelled up like a balloon, and I have a mega gigantic bruise...  
  
The next chapter will probably have some plotline to it. Not TOO much, though. I'm not the best with plots. I don't wanna BORE you to death. Do I?  
  
Quis- Thanks a heap for helping me to write... you're very inspiring! Candy- GO CANDY!!! Mmm... drool candy... thanx 4 helpin' me... I LIKE U!! Sneeze- you never actually heard this, but it's the thought that counts, hey? Ooh... are there any male sheep? Random Insane Person: on the off chance that nobody's told you this, you're a random insane person!! Love you! Keep Smiling!!! Cookie monster II- Thanks. Really, just thanks. You've helped me a lot. Don't worry, we'll take over the world someday, dude. Just when we don't have as many assignments... Nat-rat- you rock, and you listened to this. Thankyou, gal! you always thought they were pretty funny. Deli- even you helped with this. Thankfully you're not AS obsessed as you used to be. Bug- Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries... but, despite your strange upbringing, you still managed to help me. Thanks for putting up with me. Poz- not that you'd be caught dead on ff.net, but thanks for making me write this, if only to spite you... but we're cool now... hug Tahn- You've helped me no end with this! Sort of... thanks heaps. Your salad's leaking! Dee- You only half listened to this... thanks, though! It's great to have somebody to listen to me drone... Ziggy- they're not that bad, are they? Candyman, girl. Candyman. Duck- you rock! Don't ever change. Thanks. You're a hell of a lot nicer than you'd like to be... only not... I'll miss you when I die!  
  
I love you all!! Now I doubt you'd be bored enough to actually be reading this, but just in case... Thanks to all of you.  
  
Tawkie neol,  
  
Bubbly  
  
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	4. Chapter 4: Let's All Hit Each Other!

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own anybody...  
  
I'm back... although most of you would rather I wasn't...  
  
Thanks again to my reviewers.  
  
I am indeed very sad at the moment... My pencil case has gone missing with all my manga pens in there... $150 worth of 'em, and my parents officially HATE me... sob  
  
Even my dogs are ignoring me...  
  
I've been SWAMPED with assignments and homework, my arm STILL hurts, and keeps swelling up, and I had to cut my nails REALLY short to resist carving up my hand and making myself bleed...  
  
I'm also an insomniac, and have been for the past 4 months...  
  
I've hit a big fat writers block in my creative writing assignment for English... which is due next week which I've barely done half of!!  
  
My laptop is stupid, and hardly plays music anymore.  
  
Sometimes I think my reviewers are my only friends... collapses completely into a nervous breakdown  
  
moment later  
  
clears throat right... well... aah... here's the next chapter. choked sob  
  
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Holly passed Trouble an LEP suit from the backpack, and made sure for the fifth time (at Trouble's orders...) that the door was locked.  
  
"Face the wall," Trouble instructed.  
  
Holly rolled her eyes and turned around, her hooked nose not even an inch from the wall.  
  
"One thing... are you SURE-?"  
  
"THE DOOR IS LOCKED!" Holly shrieked, throwing her hands in the air.  
  
Trouble checked to see if his eardrums had popped.  
  
"Frond, you're loud," he muttered, covering his ears.  
  
Holly muttered something rude under her breath.  
  
"Same to you," Trouble said to her. "Ok. No turning around until I say so, promise?"  
  
"Promise. Very modest, Captain Kelp."  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
After a moment, Holly said, "Just in case you can't see, I'm poking out my tongue at you."  
  
"Idiot."  
  
After that, there was a yelp.  
  
"Troubl-"  
  
"Stay turned," he said, in a voice much higher than his own.  
  
"What happened? Are you-"  
  
"Zipper," he squeaked.  
  
Holly burst into impending fits of laughter, eventually falling over, her fists thumping the ground. Her tiny frame shook with laughter, the sound making Butler knock cautiously on  
  
the door. Trouble opened it, fully dressed in an LEP uniform. He was bright red, and Holly was on the floor, cheeks flushed, tears of laughter rolling down her face.  
  
"What happened?" Butler asked.  
  
"Zipper," Trouble mumbled, looking at his feet.  
  
Juliet burst out laughing, beginning to hiccup, leaning on a wall for support.  
  
Butler put an understanding hand on the flushing elf's shoulder.  
  
"It happens to all of us," Butler said sympathetically.  
  
Holly, who had got to her feet, said, "Not to us girls, it doesn't!" she began to laugh again, and fell over, rolling across the floor.  
  
Trouble glared at Holly dangerously, sparks flying from his eyes. He slowly and firmly drew one finger across his throat.  
  
"You, Holly, are so dead," he said through gritted teeth.  
  
Holly got to her feet. "With respect, Captain Kelp, I'd like to see you catch me," she said, grinning. "You should have heard you!" she put on a high voice. "Aghh! The zipper! Aghh!!"  
  
Trouble clenched his fists.  
  
"Ohh, come on, Kelp. You know I'm kidding... its just funny..." Holly was still giggling slightly, trying to seem as if she wasn't.  
  
"Uh... Captain?"  
  
"Uh-huh?" they both looked up toward the blonde human.  
  
"I mean... uh... Captain Short," Juliet said. "Shouldn't you get back in contact with... uh... what's-his-name? The commander?"  
  
"Commander Root. Yeah... I had better tell him who you are, and that you're ok," Holly nodded. "Sit down, Trouble."  
  
Holly helped him to the sofa, and turned to Juliet and Butler, hardly noticing that Artemis wasn't there.  
  
"Ok... where's my helmet? The Fowl Manor gets me confused," Holly asked.  
  
"I think I know. Come with me..." Juliet began to lead Holly out.  
  
"You ok, Kelp?" she asked, turning at the door.  
  
He nodded, unable to speak as he eyed Butler. He looked terrified.  
  
"One minute," Holly muttered to Juliet, and sprinted over to where Butler was standing. She tugged on his jacket sleeve. Surprised, he looked down on the red-headed fairy.  
  
"Yes, Captain Short?" he asked politely.  
  
Holly stood on her absolute tiptoes, apparently trying to reach his ear. Trying not to snigger at her futile attempts, he crouched next to Holly, and she whispered into his ear for a moment.  
  
When she  
  
stopped whispering, Butler looked confused. He thought for a moment, and whispered something back, and Holly replied. Butler shrugged and nodded. Holly smiled, and Butler  
  
stood. Holly went back to Juliet, and they left the room. As soon as they were out of earshot, Juliet turned to Holly and said,  
  
"He is so madly in love with you!"  
  
"What!?!?" Holly's jaw dropped open.  
  
"Trouble or whatever his name is."  
  
"As if!" Holly exclaimed. "What is WITH you?"  
  
"The way he talked to you... he so likes you!"  
  
"No way, Juliet."  
  
"Oh come on! And don't pretend that you don't like him!"  
  
"You've met the idiot! How could ANYBODY like him?"  
  
Juliet looked positively infatuated. "It's like Romeo and Juliet," she said happily.  
  
"And we all know how THAT ended up..." Holly muttered. "Besides... we don't love each other!"  
  
Juliet turned to Holly. "Look me in the eye," she said firmly. "And tell me that you don't love him."  
  
"Do you know what he calls me?"  
  
"What?" Juliet asked, waiting for something like, 'sweetie', or 'darling'.  
  
"He calls me kiddo! He's like some annoying, pain in the ass brother."  
  
Juliet sniffed moodily and led Holly to the hallway. Holly picked up her helmet, and put it on her head, fiddling with a few communication knobs.  
  
"Foaly? Foaly, you there? FOALY!"  
  
"Holly? Is that you? What the hell happened? Are you o-?"  
  
"I'm fine, it wasn't a trap, who else could it be, and I cut the connection. Anything else, pony boy?" Holly asked smugly.  
  
"It wasn't a trap? Then who was the officer?" Foaly asked desperately.  
  
"Trouble Kelp. Don't worry, he's fine. He doesn't remember anything," Holly said.  
  
"Holly? Are you still there?"  
  
"I never left!" Holly said, slightly curious.  
  
"Holly... Holly, you're breaking up... I can't hear you!"  
  
"Foaly?" Holly asked loudly.  
  
"D'ARVIT! Holly? Can you hear me? The communication is breaking up!!" Foaly was yelling.  
  
"Hardly... there's a lot of static, and interference... can you still hear me?"  
  
"Holly? Holly!"  
  
"What? I can't hear you! Trouble Kelp is ok! He's gonna complete the ritual, then we'll go home!! Ok? Foaly... you there?"  
  
There was nothing but static.  
  
"D'Arvit," Holly muttered, taking off the helmet.  
  
"What happened?" Juliet asked curiously.  
  
"I lost him. The communications went awry," Holly explained. "Ok. Better go tell Kelp the good news."  
  
They went back to the living room, where Trouble wasn't looking AS uncomfortable, and Butler hardly seemed to batter an eyelid, still standing in the corner.  
  
"Where's the kid?" asked Holly.  
  
"The kid?" Juliet questioned.  
  
"Yeah. As in Artemis kid."  
  
"Oh. THAT kid. He'll be back."  
  
"Mhm..." Holly sat beside Trouble, and faced him.  
  
"My helmet is stuffed," she said.  
  
"What are they saying?" whispered Juliet to her elder brother. Butler shrugged.  
  
Holly and Trouble heard, turned to them and smirked.  
  
"You don't speak gnomish?" Holly asked in gnomish, grinning all over her face.  
  
"Butler...?" Juliet whimpered. "What's she saying?!?!"  
  
Butler put a hand on his sister's shoulder. "I don't speak gnomish, Juliet."  
  
"Gnomish?" she cried enthusiastically. "Teach me, teach me!"  
  
Holly raised an eyebrow at Trouble, and they both began to laugh.  
  
"Please?" Juliet gave them both massive puppy-dog eyes. "Come on! When I was a kid, I ALWAYS wanted to speak the language of the fairies!"  
  
"When you were a kid?" Holly asked, eyebrows hidden under her auburn hair. "You still ARE a kid."  
  
"I'm eighteen!" Juliet protested.  
  
Holly sniggered.  
  
"Come on! You can't be much older!"  
  
Holly fell off the sofa laughing. "Ok," she said through bouts of uncontrollable giggles. "You guess my age."  
  
Juliet held up her hands. "I'm not playing that game."  
  
Meanwhile, Artemis had re-entered the room, and watched the conversation with interest, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Come on. Really, I don't mind, right, Kelp?" Holly said, clambering up onto the sofa and nudging him.  
  
He nodded, laughing. "She doesn't mind, mud girl."  
  
Juliet shrugged. "Ok... random number, here... uh... twenty?"  
  
Holly cracked up laughing, so did Trouble and even Artemis sniggered.  
  
"Ok... um... twenty two?"  
  
Holly couldn't speak for laughter, and Trouble had fallen sideways, unfortunately landing awkwardly on his broken ribs.  
  
Juliet was getting frustrated. "Ok, then, Captain Short," she began, her brow furrowed. "How old are you?"  
  
Holly sat up straighter. "Try eighty three, Juliet," she said casually.  
  
For several moments, Juliet stood there, mouth hanging open.  
  
"She looks like some sort of bogglefish," Trouble observed, whispering to Holly, who rolled her eyes and hit him in the stomach. He doubled over and swore.  
  
She blinked, and stuttered. "Um... well... you... you er... you look good for your age."  
  
Holly laughed, and fell onto the armrest of the sofa, her fist thumping the arm.  
  
"You recovered well," she said. "I'll credit you with that..."  
  
"Well then," Juliet frowned. "How old is HE?" she jerked her thumb at Trouble, who was easing himself back into a sitting position and sending Holly a withering glare.  
  
He shrugged, kicking Holly. "Only ninety seven."  
  
"ONLY ninety seven? ONLY NINETY SEVEN?!?!?!?" Juliet threw her hands into the air and walked out of the room.  
  
"I think she strained something," Holly said, and tilted her head to the side like a cat.  
  
"Uh... Holly?" Trouble said. "Are you feeling ok?"  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"When I kicked you, you didn't kick me back, or hit me, or swear at me, or ANYTHING! Are you ok?"  
  
"Uh-huh," Holly said vaguely, turning to Artemis.  
  
In the split second that she turned, Trouble had seen the look in her eyes. His eyes widened.  
  
"No!" he said. "Not one of the 'I'll get you when you least expect it' s! NO!!!"  
  
Holly smiled a savage little smile in his direction and didn't reply.  
  
He moaned and flopped his head, after a second realizing that he was vulnerable in that position. He sat up and growled something rude in gnomish.  
  
"THAT was not civil," Holly said, going to hit him. He ducked, and she smiled that scary smile again.  
  
"Two for flinching!" she hit him twice, an evil smile showing across her face. "Oh... Fowl?" she said, turning.  
  
"Yes, Captain Short?" Artemis asked, deciding wisely to ignore the war going on between Captains Kelp and Short.  
  
"My helmet is gone... er... odd. Basically it isn't working, and I don't have enough brain power left to think. Any ideas?" Holly asked as Trouble elbowed her. Hard.  
  
"I called you from my phone after I hacked into the phone systems. Not Foaly's strong point," he began matter-of-factly. "And I thought that just in case, I might need it again, so I can  
  
hack in again in less than two minutes."  
  
Holly and Trouble's mouths were hanging open.  
  
"You hacked into Foaly's system?" she said disbelievingly, feeling faint. "YOU hacked into FOALY'S system?" she repeated numbly.  
  
"Only the phone. I decided his computer would be more heavily guarded," Artemis said casually.  
  
"He hacked into Foaly's system," she said, her brain having not completely registered that fact. "Foaly's system."  
  
She slowly shook her head, as though the mere thought was impossible. Her eyes glazed over, and she was still shaking her head.  
  
"Is... she ok?" Butler asked Trouble, only to find that he, too, was shaking his head in disbelief. "Artemis?"  
  
"Yes, Butler?"  
  
"They both... appear to be having some sort of... fit," he said nervously. Give him almost anything, he could deal with it. But these fairies... they were so... odd.  
  
After a moment, Holly's eyes came back into focus, and she poked Trouble until his did too.  
  
"You seriously hacked into Foaly's system?" she asked.  
  
"The phone lines," he corrected.  
  
Holly's head fell into her hands, her longish auburn hair completely covering her face.  
  
"Uh... Hol-?" Artemis began.  
  
"Shh!" Trouble put his finger to his lips. "She's thinking of something."  
  
She sat up after a moment and sighed. "That's ok. Root's phone line is," she frowned, thinking hard. "Number 0240957362, which isn't Foaly's responsibility. I KNEW nobody could get past  
  
Foaly's systems..."  
  
Artemis shrugged. "I just hacked into it so I could get to Commander Root."  
  
Meanwhile, Trouble was staring at Holly. "You remembered Beetroot's phone line number? I don't even know mine! And mine's only 5 digits!"  
  
"Yours is 07264, you idiot," she said, elbowing him.  
  
Juliet, who had returned from her brain-freeze crossed over with a mild temper tantrum, said, "How come the fairy phone numbers have a different amount of digits?"  
  
"Phone LINE numbers, Juliet. It's a different thing. I don't know if you do the same here, but we number different phone lines, so if they stuff up, then you say 'Number 05396 has broken  
  
down', so they can fix it from a computer instead of actually having to be there," she smirked. "Foaly only invented the system to avoid going upstairs, which, having a horse body, would be  
  
difficult."  
  
"Do you want to call Commander Root, then?" Artemis asked.  
  
"I guess so," she said, pointing to a phone.  
  
"No, Holly," Artemis said. "I only hacked with my phone, in case my parents accidentally called a fairy. That wouldn't go down too well, I imagine."  
  
Holly nodded. "Good thinking. Where's your phone?"  
  
"In my bedroom, which is through here," he opened the door and let Holly through. Holly paused and turned to her colleague.  
  
"I'll be back soon. Any message for Beetroot or Foaly?" she asked.  
  
"Tell Foaly I'll kill him, and," Trouble said, then thought. "Tell Root to kill Grub for me."  
  
Holly grinned and left the room.  
  
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There you go... bit of a long 'un there...  
  
I'm still sad, but, on the up, I found my pencil case... my arm doesn't hurt AS much, and... yeah, well... everything else still sux majorly...  
  
I handed in my English assignment, but I haven't got it back. My nails have now grown again, and I've taken to carving up my hand again... makes face  
  
And... even when my nails WEREN'T long, I had found a sewing needle, which was NOT good...  
  
Ok... thanks again to you people who reviewed. Don't have the internet connection now, and (forgive me) I appear to have forgotten all of your names. Also to Duck and Bug, who gave me inspiration (of a sort) with your raving idiocy...  
  
Please review!! Please!! 0o?? (very strange emoti-con...)  
  
Buhbye for now... next chapter up soon... well, soonish. I'm no miracle worker.  
  
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	5. Bye

Look- I always hated it when people left FF like this, no explanation, nothing.

Frankly, I've decided not to do this anymore.

Thanks for your reviews and stuff, they were great.

I go back to my totally crappy life, so I bid thee farewell. bows

Oh, and to "tough girl"? You could use some "proffreading" yourself, princess. wink


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